Week22A – More realization

More cement is falling off….
I have felt stuck at Week 17 on the edge.
I ALWAYS was stuck there.  I looked up the word “emerging adult”, someone has written a book with that title, and wikipedia defines it as a phase of the life span between adolescence and full-fledged adulthood, proposed by Jeffrey Arnett.
That “emerging adult” is how I feel. Now I know I am not stuck at adolescent stage. I think that there should be a new book written for people like me. People stuck in the  “what am I pretending not to know” and the ” what is the new me going to do next”. First step is to acknowledge that you are not happy in this stage and you want to be happy. (is this too simple to say? should it be more expanded?)
I am so grateful for being exposed to the MKMMA experience.
I know I can be an asset, but confidence is holding me back.
I have taken crash marathon or relistening to all the webinars and prewebinars, and like rewatching a movie, picking things up I consciously missed (yet recognizing my NEW Me…I know call her JUBILANT JULIA… heard it)…
I have been struggling with MKMMA, doing my participation, NOT doing my best, but doing what the old blue print would allow JUBILANT JULIA to do.
BUT…. BAM!!! Again BAM!!!
Week 22 and Week 22a REALLY REALLY made a difference.
I can recognize Honu Julia….She got stuck in an old blue print since 1976. I can bring back those happy memories that were hidden. It was because of the writing of  cards of things I have accomplished and done, brought back happy memories that got tucked deep away in my brain, hoping one day I will go back and remember. I have forgotten alot of memories which through MKMMA have helped me to bring them back into my conscious thoughts. I am so grateful. Now, this process has taken a long time for me…so I nickname myself HONU, which are honored turtles in Hawaii. Honu’s are good, it is a positive adjective.
 
But my acknowledgement of the lack of Humor and acknowledging the way my husband thinks (boxes)…are part of the huge cement blocks on my Honu Julia.
 
I could not describe me for the longest time. I couldn’t even fake the future me. You know my press release was not complete, my movie poster was not complete… I couldn’t pin point it.  I could say my DMP was not complete, but it really was. The only part that I could not say with gusto is the monetary income.
 
Its time.
My brain is just gushing with thought, and I can’t write it down fast enough.
Monetary income from my rental property or my MLM business. I know I really can’t engage in those, unless I fix me.
But I put it in there because once I fix me… I know I will be doing my MLM business with gusto. Yet, is being a guide an MLM business? I dont’ think so. So for me to pursue and MLM business is still in the future for me. I just need to create it.
So the PreVideo for Week 22a, was awesome. It game me permission to change up my ideas of what I will be doing to make money.
How long has it been that the HONU Julia has been trying to make up excuses.
WEEK 22A…Sh..Sh..sh..sh………So, I kept quiet in contemplative state….THEN BAM…. MKMMA makes us try to be quiet for 4 days…. Wow, it was bad enough to get rid of TV/netflix/movie for 7days… but total silence.
Total Silence…. what does, that mean when I already live in a silent environment. Well, for me, I really had the focus and really concentrate. I was only able to accomplish 50 minutes twice a day (14).
The reality that I learned is that I am a MAJOR FOX!!!….. to the maximum. This is why I am slow… Because I am doing too many things all at the same time. CRASH… one more Cement PIECE drops and the Gold is revealed. The gold is dull and needs to be polished.
My “sits” for the past 22 weeks have not truly been sits for the TOTAL benefit. They did help me to let go and organize my time, and reward me for giving me TIME FOR MYSELF.  The part of opening up my brain to receive more information was the visual I had….and I must have had alot of crap not wanting to LET GO.
So the 1400 minutes of struggling for my thoughts to be open to hear my “gifts”… was buzzing around and around like a computer hard drive spinning. Silence doesn’t work when the “world without” don’t understand. The outside world doesn’t align with my world, and the HONU JULIA is caught up in it, and the JUBILANT JULIA is gaining strength and confidence.
The workbook says to share my MKMMA experience with my family. David is so quick to anger with what I have to say. He jumps to say his opinion. Many times with anger. …  BUT TODAY!!!! Yahoo… I was able to absorb the anger he throw at me, and then proceeded to acknowledge his anger, then reattempted to state my story. He return, calmed down, and we agreed to restart the conversation again.  For me to get a “Restart” with David is a huge deal.
I have definitely been working on “positive words”, “positive affirmations”. However, everything I have written so far, I did not sensor.

So… my blogging.

I blog like Mark first suggested.
“Blogging is a 300 word email to a friend about my experience for the week.”
I still am having trouble writing without “plagiarizing”… my wired brain, just can’t beyond this concept.
As I read most of the “hosted” blogs, they all have fancy pictures and are long. Great writing styles and finesse.
They really don’t look like an email that I would write.
This is the most I’ve written since the very first time I wrote to you figuring out my DMP.
I have reread my blogs, keeping in mind…. my journey… I wouldn’t change it… It my growth. If my blog helps one person, then I am happy… and that one person is ME!!!.
Tweeting… is so hard for me. That is something, I know I need to carve out more concentrated time on. I read all the tweets and politely reply…sorry, its on the back burner.
Now, this is not excuse myself…I have figured to write out my thoughts while I wait, so that I don’t forget what I wanted to SHARE with you. Another  epiphany experience for me.
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