Monthly Archives: March 2015

Week22A – More realization

More cement is falling off….
I have felt stuck at Week 17 on the edge.
I ALWAYS was stuck there.  I looked up the word “emerging adult”, someone has written a book with that title, and wikipedia defines it as a phase of the life span between adolescence and full-fledged adulthood, proposed by Jeffrey Arnett.
That “emerging adult” is how I feel. Now I know I am not stuck at adolescent stage. I think that there should be a new book written for people like me. People stuck in the  “what am I pretending not to know” and the ” what is the new me going to do next”. First step is to acknowledge that you are not happy in this stage and you want to be happy. (is this too simple to say? should it be more expanded?)
I am so grateful for being exposed to the MKMMA experience.
I know I can be an asset, but confidence is holding me back.
I have taken crash marathon or relistening to all the webinars and prewebinars, and like rewatching a movie, picking things up I consciously missed (yet recognizing my NEW Me…I know call her JUBILANT JULIA… heard it)…
I have been struggling with MKMMA, doing my participation, NOT doing my best, but doing what the old blue print would allow JUBILANT JULIA to do.
BUT…. BAM!!! Again BAM!!!
Week 22 and Week 22a REALLY REALLY made a difference.
I can recognize Honu Julia….She got stuck in an old blue print since 1976. I can bring back those happy memories that were hidden. It was because of the writing of  cards of things I have accomplished and done, brought back happy memories that got tucked deep away in my brain, hoping one day I will go back and remember. I have forgotten alot of memories which through MKMMA have helped me to bring them back into my conscious thoughts. I am so grateful. Now, this process has taken a long time for me…so I nickname myself HONU, which are honored turtles in Hawaii. Honu’s are good, it is a positive adjective.
 
But my acknowledgement of the lack of Humor and acknowledging the way my husband thinks (boxes)…are part of the huge cement blocks on my Honu Julia.
 
I could not describe me for the longest time. I couldn’t even fake the future me. You know my press release was not complete, my movie poster was not complete… I couldn’t pin point it.  I could say my DMP was not complete, but it really was. The only part that I could not say with gusto is the monetary income.
 
Its time.
My brain is just gushing with thought, and I can’t write it down fast enough.
Monetary income from my rental property or my MLM business. I know I really can’t engage in those, unless I fix me.
But I put it in there because once I fix me… I know I will be doing my MLM business with gusto. Yet, is being a guide an MLM business? I dont’ think so. So for me to pursue and MLM business is still in the future for me. I just need to create it.
So the PreVideo for Week 22a, was awesome. It game me permission to change up my ideas of what I will be doing to make money.
How long has it been that the HONU Julia has been trying to make up excuses.
WEEK 22A…Sh..Sh..sh..sh………So, I kept quiet in contemplative state….THEN BAM…. MKMMA makes us try to be quiet for 4 days…. Wow, it was bad enough to get rid of TV/netflix/movie for 7days… but total silence.
Total Silence…. what does, that mean when I already live in a silent environment. Well, for me, I really had the focus and really concentrate. I was only able to accomplish 50 minutes twice a day (14).
The reality that I learned is that I am a MAJOR FOX!!!….. to the maximum. This is why I am slow… Because I am doing too many things all at the same time. CRASH… one more Cement PIECE drops and the Gold is revealed. The gold is dull and needs to be polished.
My “sits” for the past 22 weeks have not truly been sits for the TOTAL benefit. They did help me to let go and organize my time, and reward me for giving me TIME FOR MYSELF.  The part of opening up my brain to receive more information was the visual I had….and I must have had alot of crap not wanting to LET GO.
So the 1400 minutes of struggling for my thoughts to be open to hear my “gifts”… was buzzing around and around like a computer hard drive spinning. Silence doesn’t work when the “world without” don’t understand. The outside world doesn’t align with my world, and the HONU JULIA is caught up in it, and the JUBILANT JULIA is gaining strength and confidence.
The workbook says to share my MKMMA experience with my family. David is so quick to anger with what I have to say. He jumps to say his opinion. Many times with anger. …  BUT TODAY!!!! Yahoo… I was able to absorb the anger he throw at me, and then proceeded to acknowledge his anger, then reattempted to state my story. He return, calmed down, and we agreed to restart the conversation again.  For me to get a “Restart” with David is a huge deal.
I have definitely been working on “positive words”, “positive affirmations”. However, everything I have written so far, I did not sensor.

So… my blogging.

I blog like Mark first suggested.
“Blogging is a 300 word email to a friend about my experience for the week.”
I still am having trouble writing without “plagiarizing”… my wired brain, just can’t beyond this concept.
As I read most of the “hosted” blogs, they all have fancy pictures and are long. Great writing styles and finesse.
They really don’t look like an email that I would write.
This is the most I’ve written since the very first time I wrote to you figuring out my DMP.
I have reread my blogs, keeping in mind…. my journey… I wouldn’t change it… It my growth. If my blog helps one person, then I am happy… and that one person is ME!!!.
Tweeting… is so hard for me. That is something, I know I need to carve out more concentrated time on. I read all the tweets and politely reply…sorry, its on the back burner.
Now, this is not excuse myself…I have figured to write out my thoughts while I wait, so that I don’t forget what I wanted to SHARE with you. Another  epiphany experience for me.

Week 22 This is a Life Defining Moment

This week we started the new Scroll IV by OG.  Today I will be master of my emotions.

March 1, is a memorable day every year because it is my birthday. March 1st was my DMP goal date. Did I accomplish it? I would say YES. One of my goals was to clean out my home of clutter.  I had 20 years of “I will get to it when the kids are in school”… those piles of things that got too overwhelming that it was more painful to go through them. So I had to take a box one box at a time. I dedicated 2 days a week starting in September. It just happened to parallel MKMMA course.

A spin off  of our Alliance area of “Tools for Expanding”. This course is about letting go than collecting things.  Emotions of “Fear, Guilt, Anger, Unworthiness, and Hurt Feelings to expand my comfort zone”…has really really shook me into taking the plunge of the Hero’s Journey.  Week 17, I shared with you the Hero’s Journey with enthusiasm…then FEAR settled in, I went into my turtle shell. I am not proud of my blog of Week 18, Week 19..they were forced and quite difficult. It is Week 22. I am so excited to share an epiphany of my journey. I am ready to move from the world of known to the unknown. …please forgive me for not easily letting go during week 18-21… I was able to identify and release my fear and anger of sarcasm and teasing… I realized I have no humor in my life…I don’t easily laugh and majority of humor have to explained to me. Explained atleast 3 times (which frustrates my husband). So my defense mood is to put up a wall or “fake it” but it hurts  my feelings of not understanding and knowing people laughing me.

This week I learned to turn those emotions into tools… so I recognized the anger, and I used it as a tool to address my husband who upsets me most. So this week Monday, I told him that he hurt my feelings when he says things to me in sarcasm/teasing. He told me he does not say anything malicious to hurt me. Then, I blurted out about 7 times that he did and he was shocked and gave a disgusted look. We argued that I do not hear what he says. After giving examples and he looked at me with a more tender heart, realizing the struggle I have.  Now it is Thursday night, we have been talking everyday with more clarity.

We had a MKMMA Tribe call on Wednesday, where I steps out and shared my fear of sarcasm directed to me/ teasing…and my lack of humor, and requested help in laughing. I shared this video with my son, then with my husband. I didn’t laugh the first time, I had to have my son explain it to me. He laughed. I questioned what I don’t get it. Then my husband watched it and laughed, then laughed knowing I didn’t get it and he had to explain to me. However, it perfectly makes sense to me that my husband has blocks in his head, and I have wires. Those neuropeptides.  What I liked best was, that evening…he used the blocks and wires to explain to me how I think and it was funny and made sense and I had some humor.

Did you Laugh? I hope you did. I am adding more humor to what I hear.

Also I realize that I fear I am missing something from the webinars, thank goodness for the replay. Admitting is it has released the stress of not learning what I need to learn, so I just use my fear as my tool…and get involved. Again, thank you for reading my post. It’s amateur, but for me it is growth.

Week 21 What is Happening?

Live your Passion

LIFE is an acronym for Live It Fully Everyday.  We need to do more than going through the motions. I have realized I had been just going through the motions. But through my journey a passion has been resurrected. I didn’t realize how far down I had buried my own goals and dreams.  You can read my older blogs to follow my struggles that I have grown through over these past 21 weeks.

Recapturing my passion is to start living my life and to make my own choices. I am in control of my destiny. I create what happens. I am.

This is what I have realized for my thoughts to share:

When life hits hard – stop, adapt, and move on. Recognize the old blue print, recognize the negative, recognize the bad influences… and stand tall and address it with positive. By putting a mirror in front of them and not participating in the stream of negativity, you help transform their sour outlook into a sweet in-look. When they realize what they’re missing, they’ll decide it’s time to stop being a victim.

As I have grown through my Hero’s Journey, I have been able to share my experience with others. The 5 months of Og Mandino’s one sentences, have automaticly come out of my mouth as I have opportunities to share with them.  “Today, I begin a new life. I greet this day with love in my heart. I persist until I succeed. I am nature’s greatest miracle. I live this day as my last.” And I lead the conversation with, “What are you pretending not to know? Or What is the new you going to do today?” I so love how these words have made such a difference in my life.