Monthly Archives: November 2014

Week 9 – Monday – Tears of Joy

Tears,  tears, tears.

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Thank you for all the webinars available for us to relisten to. Webinar 9 struck the inner most part of me. I have cried each Sundays on the webinars live, I didn’t understand why, but webinar 9 connected it mostly. I am sure my learning curve is extremely slow, but with the right tools I am able to relisten at my own pace. I decided I was going to blog everyday moving forward from my Week 8 Blog.  Fly or fall with style.  Accepting that I can make a difference in myself, accepting all the changes, accepting that change is good, accepting the unexplainable, accepting that I can share without being “judged”.

I have been a programed student. I didn’t realize that I was holding back change. Can that be possible? Must have because, my actions have been just actions. No true connection. What is the difference? You (the team, the alliance) are the difference. I followed, Mark, Davene and the Team and my guide…but having the learning types explained help me understand that I have short falls or have stopped too soon or have gone way over board. Yet, it is all making sense. I still don’t express like the many blogs posts I read and follow…but that will come. I could write all my notes from the webinar and express what I liked, but that doesn’t seem right. 9 weeks into the program. I blog for me. I blog to express and grow. Blogging once a week doesn’t make that commitment to expression. I will stop crying.

Mastermind is necessary.

Week 9 : Sunday – On my Own

Julia is on the move. Can’t sleep.

Behind the scene now typing to what my mind will let flow out of my fingers. Its Sunday, I decided to write each day for 7 days. This will help me break free of my old blue print. But, I get out of bed, turn on the computer, and ….the thoughts are gone.

Now that I have spent 1 hour reading other’s blogs and tweets and reading the comments in the Alliance area, puts me in the Mindset of Masterminding. I need to restructure the way I am processing MKMMA. How can I communicate what is going on?

I need to get adequate sleep. So now is not the time to stay up much longer.

Week 8 Inclusive membership

Thank you MKMMA…everyone from Mark and Davene, through the staff, along with the guides and embracing fellow alliance members 5 names at a time.  My world has gotten larger. No longer am I alone.

I am learning everyday. I am taking one step at a time. I am reading and definitely enjoying the journey which everyone I have virtually meet via our blogging and tweets. This is new for me. I love the new me evolving through MKMMA. So much information to be processed. The program is well developed and I am overwhelmed on my results. Many times I have to thank the old blue print from trying to “save” me from my new blue print. I am grateful for all the visuals and service cards and movie poster and DMP and news press.  I am believing in me as I become exposed to different writing styles, different thoughts, different expressions. I did not realize the vast world of unknown that I have not been exposed to.

My mental diet of negative/positive … A total awareness that I first would retract into my shell (turtle response)..observe from a safe place…then come out when it is safe. Pros and Cons to that behavior. Plus is that the negative is avoided. Silence is better than conflict. Law of Substitution was used sometimes. As I reflect on the week, it been more like a duck, letting things just roll off my back.

Majority of my negative is my hardship of myself with MKMMA. I compare myself. But through the midweek talk with my guide my journey is my own.  I want to help, I hope I am helping, I am helping.  I am helping myself. It is me that I love, and I am a good person.

Thoughts with feelings equals belief. Belief becomes habits. Our thought are habits dictates our actions which gives us results. Regurgitated from our second week. Negative thoughts of not being able to verbally express myself nor write is hard for me because my old blue print says I can not plagiarizing? So how do I explain what I just read? So…an ah ha moment was reveals to me that all these words are feeding my subconscious. Negative thought… That was week 2. Positive thought..at least I figured it out. Negative thought….crap I got to reread, redo, find what I missed, look for what I did wrong, catch up… Positive thought…call my guide, read other alliance members, share, interact. Apply what I know and give. ….Negative thought…can’t do that! It’s an unsolicited opinion.  Positive thought… Look lovingly into their eyes. See what is in there. If hurt, listen and give total eye contact. If confused, they’d ask what you starring at? Door open for my response. Yet all with love in my heart, wanting to reach out and help. How do I do that? By using my voice that is regurgitating the many sentences and phrases that I read daily…with enthusiasm!!! Yikes, where did that come from? Subby…. I have one?   hello… What have we been doing for 8 weeks?

Believe. Confidence. Light that rocket. Let’s go, Julia… fly, or at least fall with style.

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Week 7 -Stuck

Mental Diet – ended up being a two step dance. One negative. One positive. One Negative. One Positive.

No opinion – kept me silent, and easily retracting into myself.

Home Only – my life. Silence. No verbal conversation accept to myself in my head.  As help for myself, I took time to read my DMP, Self confidence statement. scroll II. Look at my pictures, do my service. Read my movie trailer… But still in required action. No life to me.

I love me. I greet each day with love in my heart.

At the moment typing out my blog is difficult, not technical, but emotional.  I held my tongue as my son complains about his life as a freshman in high school. Two sided thoughts run through my head. What to say in a loving motherly way, or do I point out all the things he does for granted. This was 9 hours ago, and I can’t shake the emptiness in my head to blog.

How to explain my past 6 days of this week?  Thank you everyone who have written their blogs with great explanation and emotional and insight. I strive to write like that during this course. Taking time to myself is very difficult for me. I didn’t realize how much time I use to do my daily commitments and make time to do things for myself (MKMMA). I am thankful for this program and my guide, and the alliance members who are following me and those I am following. My world has increased 15 plus of alliance members on their own hero’s journey.

Thank you. I can’t say it enough.

I am not alone. I have gotten to know much more, because the alliance is giving. I enjoy reading the comments that are posted. I loose track of the time reading comments and blogs. I have grown in reading. I gave up reading many years ago. I limited myself to children’s books with the average of 50 words or less. I spoke and wrote in 1 syllable words. It has been an adventure. 3 syllables. I like the system of accountability and the risk of consequences. It keeps everyone on track and progressing forward.

I am not to familiar with putting my thoughts into words.  I usually take other people’s words and use them. I don’t express myself, didn’t know anyone really listened.  But via this blog, I make my attempts to express myself.

Talking to myself of the future. What an interesting concept. It was a very silent, tearful days of talking about the struggles and how exciting it is to let that all go and talk about the good times now and what events are planned for the future.  These talks are done when the home is all asleep and it is just me and myself.

Like now. I am alone. Everyone is in bed sleeping. I am tired, I have a headache. I want to write and share my week. But all within the guidelines of present tense, love expression. positive comments,  action in expressive vocabulary. I love the symbolism of the compass and magnifying glass. Definitely keeps me focus on the hour. Helpful reminder of where I am going.  I must not take all these visuals for granted. I must admit, I have become blind and don’t see them or use them even though they are strategically place for me to see. Selective seeing.  My smart goals should not be taken for granted.

Seven weeks into my here’s journey. This is an old favorite of mine that played in my head in 1980. It didn’t come to mind until we are to add music. I am still listening for my song.

Good Night.

Week 6 – Get Back Up

“No matter how many times I break down, there is always a little piece of me that says, NO, you are not done yet. GET BACK UP!”

I am so sad. I am writing on my iPad. My computers all have a bad virus and keeps putting up pop ups. I had to bring them, all 3, to a professional. So, I easily wrote my blog on my ipad… But it vanished… I can’t seem to back hit to find it. All gone. Wiped. Crap.

I will rewrite, but I poured out my thoughts already. But I will type again. This time on a word page, then cut and paste into WordPress.

I wrote how writing is difficult for me. Expression difficult. I am not flamboyant or colorful. I am grateful for the colors that we are using. It’s so bright and cheery and liberating. Atleast for me.

My experience with LOVE, scroll 2… And no opinion…brings me to TOUGH LOVE. It’s so hard.  There comes a time in your life, when you walk away from all the drama and the people who create it.  You then surround yourself with people who make you laugh, smile, feel good, encourage you. You forget the bad and focus on the good. You love the people who treat you well, pray for the ones who don’t.  Life is too short to be anything but happy.

Falling down is part of life. Getting back up is LIVING.

Right now, you have many options. Choose the positive, life-affirming, interesting, loving and fulfilling ones, and the reality of your life will follow. I choose life.